Post by starcrossed on Apr 27, 2007 16:22:34 GMT -5
Reposted from my blog.. Coz I'm so happy about it that I feel the need to share the news.. And the thank you at the bottom goes for you all as well!
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Subject: Finally Free
Current mood: Jubilant
Category: Life
I actually cried tonight.. But for once, they were tears of happiness. It feels so good to cry for joy.. It became an extremely emotional night for me because I realized that it's over. I'm free. The depression days... are over. Freedom never tasted so sweet. My chest aches, but it's a good ache. For six and a half years I've been tormented by my own personal demons.. The doppelganger of myself that was always there to drag me down when I most wanted to fly. Today that doppelganger was slain.
I was at the talent show to support my friends [and my voice is now crackly because I screamed for them so much], when it hit me like a ton of bricks.. I looked around me.. And felt a weight lift. I never realized that I'd acquired so many friends.. Many of them I've only had for this past quarter of the school year, but it's been such an important quarter, emotional-healing speaking. I never thought that I would be able to function as a normal human being again. I never thought I'd have friends again, let alone so many. I'm so, so extremely lucky. And free. I'm free. My eyes are welling up again as I write this. No words can begin to describe how utterly horrible clinical depression is. Six years... And now freedom. After six years, I can now see the metaphorical sun.. I thank any and all gods/beings/powers-that-be that are watching over me.. Because the fight is done, the dust has cleared, and I'm still standing.. Stronger than before. Of course, scars will remain. But I know with a profound certainty that I can get through it. For the first time in so, so long.. I know I'm going to be okay.
And for the first time in so, so long.. I'm thoroughly, truly, undeniably happy. I have friends. I am whole.
I survived.
And to my friends (which includes family): Thank you. So, so, so very much. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for being my friend despite my quirks and flaws. Thank you for helping me to heal. Thank you for being a friend. Thank you. I love you all.
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Subject: Finally Free
Current mood: Jubilant
Category: Life
I actually cried tonight.. But for once, they were tears of happiness. It feels so good to cry for joy.. It became an extremely emotional night for me because I realized that it's over. I'm free. The depression days... are over. Freedom never tasted so sweet. My chest aches, but it's a good ache. For six and a half years I've been tormented by my own personal demons.. The doppelganger of myself that was always there to drag me down when I most wanted to fly. Today that doppelganger was slain.
I was at the talent show to support my friends [and my voice is now crackly because I screamed for them so much], when it hit me like a ton of bricks.. I looked around me.. And felt a weight lift. I never realized that I'd acquired so many friends.. Many of them I've only had for this past quarter of the school year, but it's been such an important quarter, emotional-healing speaking. I never thought that I would be able to function as a normal human being again. I never thought I'd have friends again, let alone so many. I'm so, so extremely lucky. And free. I'm free. My eyes are welling up again as I write this. No words can begin to describe how utterly horrible clinical depression is. Six years... And now freedom. After six years, I can now see the metaphorical sun.. I thank any and all gods/beings/powers-that-be that are watching over me.. Because the fight is done, the dust has cleared, and I'm still standing.. Stronger than before. Of course, scars will remain. But I know with a profound certainty that I can get through it. For the first time in so, so long.. I know I'm going to be okay.
And for the first time in so, so long.. I'm thoroughly, truly, undeniably happy. I have friends. I am whole.
I survived.
And to my friends (which includes family): Thank you. So, so, so very much. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for being my friend despite my quirks and flaws. Thank you for helping me to heal. Thank you for being a friend. Thank you. I love you all.
