Lost Recaps

[starcrossed]

!!!!LOST SEASON 3 SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

Alright, so this isn't really a fanfic related to Harry Potter.. Nor is it really a fanfic at all.. It's simply Lost Season 3 Recaps written by me, for my own amusement, inspired by Cleolinda's Lost Recaps from Season 1.. So far I only have one episode done, but the second is coming soon.. Let me know whatcha think! Also, there's probably a few a lot of inaccuracies, since I only saw it once before writing this.. So... Forgive me.

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S3E1: A Tale of Two Cities

Okay. So the first episode of season three of Lost? WAS AWESOMENESS INCARNATED. Within the first five minutes, I was going, "Whaaaaaaaat??" Usually it takes about fifteen minutes. We open in a charming little cottage-type house, where a girl is getting stuff prepared for what looks like a party. So I'm thinking, "Hmm, alrighty, looks like a flashback." Then, ZOMG, Henry Gale and others/Others show up for this chick's book club. Oooookay, maybe this is a look at their lives back in America/Crazytown before they became evil overlords.. Henry Gale trashes Stephen King's "Carrie", which was Juliet[the chick]'s choice for the book club. She gets her bitch on and things are getting pretty interesting. I'm suspecting some bom-chicka-wa-wa history between the two of them. Then ZOMG, EARTHQUAKE! Everyone runs outside, and OMFGWTF, THE PLANE IS CRASHING!! OUTSIDE THE NICE LITTLE COTTAGE! THE COTTAGE IS ON THE ISLAND! Freeeeak oooooout!

Henry Gale goes into super-leader mode and orders certain Others to go after the different sections of the plane. There's OMG, ETHAN and OMG, GOODWIN! Aaaah! SO MUCH WITH THE FREAKING OOOOUT. CAPSLOCK OF SO CRAZY!!!!

Commercial break... HURRY UUUUUP!

Soyeah. Present day. Jack wakes up in a room with a glass wall that he practically runs into trying to get to the door on the other side [hee]. He starts yanking at a chain hanging from the ceiling [no, seriously] and flipping out at Juliet when she tries to offer him food if he'll go sit on the opposite side of the room while she enters so she knows he won't get out. Jack gets his crazy on and keeps yanking at the chain.
Juliet: Jack, please stop that.
Jack: DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID?!?!
Me: Yes.
Juliet: No. I think you're very stubborn.

Sawyerland - a cage outside. In the filth. My poor beloved. Anywho. Sawyer totally gets himself electrocuted, even though dude-across-the-way-in-the-other-cage-thingy [aka Karl] warned him not to press the 'Dinner' button a third time. Turns out his cage thing is a little puzzle contraption.. You have to press the right things at the right time in the right combination and all that in order to get the 'dinner'.. We leave Sawyer to his brooding...

..to see what Kate's up to. She's waking up sprawled on the floor of a locker room shower. Pleasant. There's an Other standing over her who tells her to get showered. She's all, "SO NOT, PERV!" He just laughs at her and says, "Oh, Kate, you're not my type," and leaves. Buuurn. So Kate reluctantly showers. Then she gets out of the shower, and her clothes are gone. "WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES, PERV?!" There's a note on the next locker over that says, 'wear this'. I'm so hoping it's a chicken suit or something. When she first took it out I actually thought it was neglige and I was like, "Aaaaah! SCARY ISLAND PERVS! RUN AWAY, KATE!" Then I realized it was a dress. So it was all good. Soyeah, Kate's workin' this yellow sundress and goes to... have breakfast with Henry?! WTF?!

Sawyerland. Karl is now trying to talk to Sawyer, and asks how far his camp is from there. Sawyer says something smarmy back, but I forget what it was.. Anyway, Karl takes his smarm for directions to their camp or something and produces a lock pick from somewhere. Don't wanna know where. With super-lock-picking speed, he's out of his cage and unlocking Sawyer's. He yells at Sawyer to run one way, while he runs the other. Sawyer's not stupid, so he runs. Aaaand gets shot with a tazer dart thingy by Juliet. Owww... So he's thrown back in his cage. Then some Others come dragging Karl back, press his face agains the bars of Sawyer's cage, and tell him to 'say it'. Karl whimpers, "I'm sorry for involving you in my breakout attempt." Then the Others drag him off to torture and kill him somewhere. Not really. I think. Maybe. We don't know. Anyway, Sawyer's all, "WTF, man?!"

Jackbacks this episode. I'm rather bored with them, and they're all basically Jack getting his crazy on some more, so I'm just gonna compile it into one paragraph. Jack thinks his [ex-]wife is having an affair with his dad. He storms in on his dad's AA session and goes ape-shit on him. He's taken away to jail... And then Sarah [ex-wife] comes and posts his bail. To thank her, he flips out on her and follows her outside, where he sees a guy [not his dad] waiting for Sarah. He flips out some more, Sarah bursts into tears, and Jack "JUST WANTS TO KNOW WHO HE IS!!" And Sarah bitches back in tears, "It doesn't matter who he is, Jack! It matters who you're not!" Totally hating her right now. You can tell by his expression that this is totally killing Jack.

Back on the nice little gazebo-tent on the beach with the fancy breakfast, beautiful view, and rockin' dresses, Kate is told that she has to put on handcuffs. She freakin' does it. Dude, I don't know about you, but that's not something I'd comply with that quick. Kate starts drilling Henry: "Where are Sawyer and Jack? Why did you capture us? Why am I in this dress? Why are you feeding me breakfast? Why by the ocean? WHY IS THE SKY BLUE, HENRY, WHY??"
Henry: Why Sawyer?
Kate: What?!
Henry: Where are Sawyer... and Jack. Why Sawyer first?
Kate: ......YOU DON'T KNOW ME! YOU CAN'T JUST ASSUME THAT I'M TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH SAWYER AND AM GOING TO CHOOSE HIM WITHIN THE NEXT COUPLE OF EPISODES! YOU DON'T KNOW MEEEEE!
Henry: .... Riiight. You're by the ocean so that you can be comforted, knowing your friends are looking out at that same ocean. Except for Jack, who's totally locked in an aquarium right now, and Sawyer who pretty much just sees jungle and dirt. You're in a dress so that you can feel like a lady. I'm giving you breakfast so you can have something nice to remember. I'm giving you these things to hold onto - because the next several weeks are going to be very unpleasant. *gets his creepy voice on*
Kate: ...... *throws her food in his face* *not really. me and Sean wish.*

The Republic of CrazyJack. Jack's still wigging, but agrees to sit on the other side of the room so that Juliet can bring in food.... Or rather, so he can attack her and try to escape. He runs to this door, Juliet in tow, held captive with her own taser thing. He grabs the door and tries to open it, and Juliet tells him, "You can't do that!" Jack says something along the lines of "Watch me!" Then Henry appears CREEPILY at the end of the hallway. He's everywhere, man. He says, "No, you really can't do that." Jack threatens him, "I. Will. Kill. Her." Henry kinda shrugs. "Alright." There's totally some bitter bom-chicka-wa-wa story here, y'all. "We're all dead anyway if you open that door." Naturally, Jack opens the door. AND LETS IN THIS HUGE FLOOD OF WATER, I KNEW IT! Sooo, Henry skips out of there and.. shuts Juliet and Jack in. So nice of him. Juliet finds the emergency switch and Jack helps her activate it. The place drains out. While Jack's catching his breath.. Juliet tasers him from behind. Nice. And not safe in a place that has JUST BEEN FLOODED, HELLO?!

Sawyerland. Sawyer hits the jackpot. He's jumping in the air and whooping in celebration, waiting to see what comes out of the dinner chute.. And what comes out? A dog biscuit in the shape of a fish. And a bunch of dog food pellets. He's piiiiissed. Then water comes out as well, and he's pleased to see that and takes a long drink. Then he sighs and tries a little bite of the biscuit. Just then, one of the main Others - Tom I think - appears, dragging Kate with him. Sawyer immediately snaps to attention and goes to the bars of the cage. Tom puts Kate in the cage that had previously been inhabited by Karl, then tells her to stick her hands through the bars and they'll remove her handcuffs. She does. They do. She has bloody marks around her wrists from struggling, I assume. Ouch. Then Tom goes over to Sawyer and says with a grin, "You got a fish cookie! ... Only took the bears two hours." OMGWTFPOLARBEARS!!! Sawyer says, "Yeah? How many of 'em were there? [Coz I shot one, ponce.]" Sawyer's made of awesome. Tom doesn't answer, he just sorta leaves, chuckling to himself. Sawyer and Kate exchange loving looks. Sawyer waves the cookie and says, "You hungry?" Kate nods. He tosses her the biscuit, which she catches easily. She then tucks into it like chocolate, with Sawyer looking on and smiling tenderly. Say it with me, everyone: AWWWW!!!

The Republic of CrazyJack has been reformed into the Republic of BrokenWillJack. He sorta mopes a bit, then says to Juliet, "It's an aquarium," meaning his confinement cell. She affirms this. "This is one of the hatches?" "They called it the Hydra," Sarah says. "Then you're one of the hatch folks?" "It doesn't matter who we were, Jack. It's who we are now." Then she goes to show him that they know exactly who HE was. She has this huge thick file on everything in HIS ENTIRE FREAKING LIFE SO CREEPY! "Everything?" Jack wants to know. Yep, everything. Even Sarah? Who HE was? "Is there anything you'd like to know?" Juliet asks him. You can totally see Jack struggling with weither or not he really wants to know who Sarah's new beau is... Then finally, he asks in this choked up voice, "Is she happy?" Juliet kind of smiles sympathetically and says, "Yes, Jack. She's happy." Not sure if that's the answer Jack wanted. He breaks down into tears and weakly goes over into the corner so Juliet can bring him his food. He doesn't attack this time. He just sits there meekly, sobbing.

Juliet emerges into the hallway outside of Jack's holding pen, and THERE'S HENRY SO CREEPY!! He smiles - creepily - and says, "Good job, Juliet." She nods and says, "Thank you, Ben." Then she walks away, and he kind of glares at her like, "YOU IDIOT, NOW THE VIEWERS KNOW MY REAL NAME!" And all the viewers are like, "OMFG, WE KNOW HIS REAL NAME!!" And then all the viewers stop and say, "Why is this important? OH WELL, WE ACTUALLY FOUND OUT SOMETHING! HUZZAH! *tosses confetti*"

So. Craziness. Creepiness. Sawyer/Kate moment. EPISODE OF TEH AWESOME!

[starcrossed]

S3E2: The Glass Ballerina

We open with a Sunback: Sun, as [awwww! how cuuuute!] a little girl, breaks a glass ballerina.. which is like.. apparantly really valuable..... since it IS glass.. and you all know how insanely precious glass is.... So anyway. She realizes she's done something bad, and so she does what every kid does when feeling guilty - plays some piano. Her father comes in, looking pissed, and asks if she broke the glass ballerina. She says she didn't. He asks who DID break it, then. "Who broke the glass ballerina from the fancy table? Sun broke the glass ballerina from the fancy table. Who me? Yes, you. Couldn't be. Then who? The maid broke the glass ballerina from the fancy table." Soyeah. Sun says the maid broke it. Sun's father tells her very seriously that she better think about weither that's her final answer, because if it was the maid he's going to have to fire her and ruin her entire life. I'm really expecting Sun to show her kindness and own up to it, but she sticks with her story: The butler maid did it. Her father looks grim and leaves, presumably to go fire the maid.

Sayid's Jin's Sun's Someone's Boat, The Island: Sayid's off to an ambitious start this episode. He's doing his very best to get himself, Jin, Sun, and Sun's baby ALL killed, all in one shot. His story is that they promised Jack they would make the smoke signal, even though it's been like two days, and guess what? Jack's in an AQUARIUM. So he says that maybe the smoke isn't big/dark enough, and they need to go to shore and make it better. Jin is smart and doesn't like this idea. But Sayid wins the argument, and they head for shore.

Shore: Sun asks what she can do to help. Sayid says she can help by helping Jin gather firewood. Sun nods and doesn't move. She doesn't feel like working, so asks Sayid what's REALLY going on. After a bit of token "I don't know what you're talking about", Sayid caves and tells her the REAL reason they're building up the fire: So the Others will see it and come running - so Sayid can set up an ambush and shoot 'em all down from the trees.
Others: Oooooooo, FIRE!! Pretty! *ignores all COMMON SENSE that the fire was MADE BY PEOPLE*
Right. Soyeah. Sayid asks Sun not to say anything to Jin for a while yet, not until it's too late for Jin to insist they go back to the main camp. Sun's all: "You want me to lie to my husband?!" Which is, y'know, really ironic considering the upcoming Sunback. Sayid says yeah, that's what he wants. Sun gets a brooding look that indicates the...

Upcoming Sunback: Sun's waking up in bed, obviously having done some bom-chicka-wa-wa [she's not a little girl anymore btw... this is post-marrying-Jin time]. The view zooms out a bit, and the person next to her leans over her - and we see that it is NOT Jin, but Jae!! [Jae = her friend, the guy who taught her English, the guy she was originally fixed up with on a blind date, but who things 'didn't work out with' because he already loved a woman in America... who left him.] Sun looks brooding [again. she's good at it.] and then tells Jae that she "can't do this". He apparantly interprets this as: "Oh, Jae, I love you and will leave Jin for you instantly!" Hmm. I'm thinking he doesn't know Korean very well. He taught her English and all, but... That's a heck of a leap. Anyway. He gives her this totally gorgeous necklace, and she ooohs and aaahs over it, then says that she could never wear it because Jin would want to know how she got it. Jae asks her what if she COULD wear it? What if they LEFT Korea FOR THE UNITED STATES! ZOMG, when she planned on leaving Jin and going to the U.S., was she planning to go there with Jae?! Nope. My theory gets debunked. Later. For now.... There's a knock on the hotel/apartment door. The two forbidden lovebirds panic and Jae asks her if anyone knew she was here. She says no. He tells her to stay there [VERY BAD IDEA!! Go hide in the bathroom!!] and goes to answer the door. He starts to snap at the bellboy/maid/whoever and say that he said he wasn't to be disturbed... Then WHO should push into the room to speak with Jae, but SUN'S FATHER. He sees her in Jae's bed. He gets his dishonored rage on and snarls at her to get dressed.

Otherland: An Other discovers somehow where Sayid & Company is, that they've found the abandoned set-like camp, and that they have a boat. "HOW?!" Ben wants to know. She doesn't know. Ben "wants. that. boat."

The Beach of Lies and Traps: Jin spills the beans and says to Sayid [through Sun] that he knows their plan. Sun didn't tell him though - he says that he understands English more than she thinks. I totally expected him to start speaking in fluent English after that, like Sun did two seasons ago... But no. He DOES say [in Korean], however, in Sun's words: "He.. says he knows.. I have betrayed him.." Sun looks scared, and I'm scared for her - did Jin find out about the affair?! Did he keep it a secret that he knew?! Is he going to go on a chainsaw killing spree now?! But yeah. Jin wants to help with the ambush. So they set up the ambush, and decide that Sun should wait in the boat. Sayid tells Sun that if the Others somehow get past him and Jin, there's a gun hidden under a tarp in the boat. Sun replies tragically that if the Others get past them, that means Jin is dead and she has no reason to care anymore. Sayid says, "Like I said, the gun is under the tarp."

Other Rock Quarry: Sawyer and Kate are taken from their cages and brought to a rock quarry.. Where they're given busy work [that seems remarkably like the 'busy work' teachers give students in class when they don't feel like teaching] - Kate has to hammer pieces of rock out of the ground and Sawyer has to haul the rock bits into a wheelbarrow, then cart the wheelbarrow over someplace else and dump out the rocks. Kate says, trying to get out of it: "You expect me to work in a dress?" Tom replies: "You could always take it off." Sawyer grins at Kate. She glares at him. He raises his eyebrows and smirks like, 'I'm not gonna argue with that'. She glares harder. Minutes pass. Finally Sawyer turns to Tom, works to put on an indignant expression, and says, "How dare you?" Kate kinda rolls her eyes like, 'Oh, THAT was heartfelt'. They're threatened that if they get off task they'll get detention zapped with the taser. Kate gets smart with them and says, "Well, what if I don't WANT to hammer rocks out of the ground?" Tom gets his taser out.. turns it on.. and zaps SAWYER, OMG, YOU BASTARD! Sawyer squirms on the ground swearing while Kate looks horrified and guilty [as well she SHOULD]. Tom informs them that the jolt Sawyer just got was only like one fifth of what they can charge the taser to. Sawyer and Kate get to work.

The Boat of the Brooding Sun: Sun's kinda waiting around. We hear scary creaking noises. Then we're outside the boat and see Others climbing on in near silence.. Having gotten past Jin and Sayid without them having ever even SEEN them. Sun realizes the Others are commandeering the boat and gets the gun out from under the tarp.. Luckily too, since just then an Other woman comes down the steps of the boat. Sun points the gun at her and tells her to stop where she is an keep her voice low. The woman tells her that she has the wrong idea: The Others aren't the bad guys unless the Survivors choose to MAKE them the bad guys by shooting them/invading their territory. Then the woman goads Sun by saying that she knows Sun won't shoot her, that Sun's never killed anyone before in her life, and that Sun's too good of a person to- BANG! You were saying, late Other? The other Others hear the gunshot and hurry to get the boat out of the docks and detain Sun. On shore, Sayid and Jin were staring intently in the OPPOSITE direction, into the jungle, when they also hear the gunshot. They hurry to the boat. There's a brief scuffle onboard as they're hurrying, then Sun jumps overboard. She either gets shot but it's not life-threatening or she barely misses being shot... Either way, the Others get away with the boat. Jin jumps into the water and starts to swim after the boat, calling for Sun, thinking she's still on it. After an agonizing moment, Sun answers from the water. He swims over and they clutch each other soulfully.

Sunback: [these are SO out of order, but oh well] Sun's papa calls Jin in and rants that someone [Jae] has done the family a great dishoner [banging his daughter] and that this must be amended. Jin says that he will 'deliver the message' and prepares to leave. Sun's pop says that that's not going to be good enough, and that this must be dealt with - permanently. After arguing that he won't do that, even if Pop fires him, Pop eventually convinces Jin to do it. He does all this, "But you're FAMILY now, SON.. So if someone disgraces ME, it's dishonorable for you too, SON.." [Noticing a parallel between Jin/Pop and Locke/Papa de Locke's relationships? I am.] Pop doesn't actually tell Jin why he needs this person offed so badly.. But I'm waiting for him to find out at any minute. These flashbacks are actually getting interesting.

Rock Quarry of Busy Work: Sawyer and Kate are slaving away, all sweaty and dirty. Sawyer keeps looking over at Kate's arse, only to be threatened to get back on task by Tom. Sawyer does so for a bit... Then looks back over at StrugglingKate. He sets the wheelbarrow down and goes straight for Kate - I'm totally expecting him to take the pick away from her and start breaking the rocks for her, since she looks so damn exhausted. Which would be a very 'awwwww' thing to do. But, true to his Sawyer-y nature, he instead leans over and KISSES HER. *faint* LOVE YOOOOU!! This REALLY pisses the Others off, and they yank Sawyer off of Kate [who seems really dazed like she was reeeally enjoying that - but who wouldn't?] and try to tase him.. But he gets his kung fu on and starts duking it out with the Others while Kate watches worriedly. He manages to get a taser off of someone, but when he tries to use it he finds that there's a safety on it and before he can take it off, the taser gets knocked out of his hand. But he does manage to get a rifle in the end and is whirling around to use it when Juliet, who has come out of NOWHERE SO CREEPY JUST LIKE HER EX-LOOOOVER BEN, tells him to put the gun down. He turns to look at her - and sees that she has a gun held at point blank range to Kate's arm. He puts the gun down and is promptly tasered. They're taken and stuck back in their cages.

Sunback: Jin goes to kill Jae. Jae assumes Jin knows about him and Sun and I expect him to accidentally spill the beans at ANY SECOND, but doesn't. Jin beats up Jae really badly, but at the last minute decides to go against Pop's orders and let him live. He tells him to get out of the country, to disappear, and to not keep contact with anyone here. Jae agrees. Jin leaves. Jin's getting ready to climb into his car when ZOMG, Jae comes hurtling down from several floors up and SMASHES INTO THE HOOD OF JIN'S CAR, KILLED DEAD! In his hand, he clutches the necklace that he tried to give to Sun. Several different theories:
1) He took the necklace out to look at, then in his shame committed suicide - but the problem? People who jump off balconies tend to land on their FRONTS, not their BACKS.. And Jae landed on his back, folks.
2) He took the necklace out to look at, Sun came in, and pushed him off the balcony - in which case he would fall on his back.
3) Sun came in wearing the necklace, pushed him, and he instinctively reached out to grab something - which was the necklace incidentally, and it snapped and he fell.
4) He took the necklace out to look at, Pop came in, and pushed him.
5) Someone else pushed him, prolly another of Pop's assassins

EmoJack Town: Jack's in his aquarium, eating food, when Ben comes in on the other side of the glass and says that they just got off on the wrong foot, that he really thinks Jack could like sticking with the Others if he got to know them. Jack scoffs. Ben decides they need to start fresh, introduces himself as Ben [insertlastnamehere], and he's lived on this island all his life. But he says that he knows how to get off the island - that he's done it in the past, and he can do it again. And he says that they have contact with the outside world. Jack doesn't believe him. Ben tells some Others to 'bring it in'. They bring in a TV. Ben recites to Jack some real events that have happened since the crash - including the fact that the Red Sox won the series. Jack laughs and says, "If you wanted me to believe you, you should have picked another team." Ben just looks at him [creepily], then turns the TV on and plays a tape of the series - of the Red Sox winning. Jack stares at the TV like it's the Holy Grail. Ben tells Jack that, if he cooperates, eventually he will take Jack home. To America. Jack looks very tempted. Dun dun duuuun..

Flashback of Woe: Sun goes to Jae's funeral and sees that her father is there. They exchange "What are you doing here?!"s. Pop is here because Jae worked for him and he's expected to be there. If he's not, oooo, scandal! Sun is here because.. Well. Do I need to say it? Pop tells Sun to get herself on home to her husband.

Cages of Destitution: Kate asks Sawyer why he kissed her. He smarms that he couldn't help himself, she just looked so darned cute swinging a pick in that dress. She gives him a look. He reveals his cunning, TRUE reason for it: He now knows which of the Others really know how to fight, and which are rookies. He gives Kate a description of each's fighting ability, evaluated by him. They share a grin. Sawyer comments that Kate "tastes like strawberries". She grins and says, "You taste like fish biscuits."

Security/Observation Room of the Others: Ben is listening to all this while watching Kate and Sawyer over a security camera. He knows why Sawyer really did it, and that Sawyer is crafty and crazy like a fox. Ben looks pissed, guys. Uh-oh.